One month in......reality check.

its sad when theres been no contact in a while cause it is always an indication that i have been lying low, trapping myself underground in a cave, gettin myself into a bad place again. Too be honest its been a tough few weeks, so many factors just all role into one giant snowball of a problem which is helped to role along by small everyday usually-insignificant issues. But on the upside, the fact I'm back means its all turning around :) baby steps....

you always have to get worse before you can get better, you also have to realise once it gets better it may not stay like that forever, youll still have ups and downs. life is no fairytale ending, where one story ends another begins, and sometimes the story can start badly and finish beautifully, or vice versa, either way you'll have happiness.
I came to realise last night that i had been dwelling on the past just a little too much and stressing about the future. i hadnt seen really another way around it until my mind set was changed for me.

Its funny how the past can bring you down so much, it does make you what you are after all, its just a shame sometimes that it gets a hold of you all too well, and instead of learning the lessons you get stuck in the theories. What we should focus on are the good times, no matter how hard it is to find them, find just one, because remembering the goodtimes in the right way when in times of sadness, hopelessness and doubt doesnt make it sad the moment has past but rather happy to remember there were and still are good times to be had. It gives you hope and happiness that maybe some day, or even today you can bring that feeling back, and create new moment of happiness.

One must learn to fill your life with love and hope and make happy moments with those who make you your happiest. Smile from the inside and shine through to the outer...it makes the world seem so much brighter.

I may not have found the answers im lookin for yet. this business is hard, and its always hard to know when you've given it your all and its time to let it go. How much does one put up with too achieve happiness? after a while is it causing more hurt than happiness? im starting to realise that a great analogy for modelling is that its a bad boyfriend. You know the guy that your with thats just bad medicine? The one you have had the best times with, who was your best friend, the one you love so so much and do anything for, but sometimes its just too hard, sometimes your trying too hard with no reward, sometimes your crying over him just too much, sometimes you wonder why love should be that hard? and it shouldnt, and although he was a good thing for you once, he isnt anymore. And the most difficult thing to do will be to leave that minor form of happiness to go to loneliness, because it seems that your trading bad for worse, but you have to have faith that after than aloneness that youll find a bigger brighter happiness than before.
I think modelling is my soon to be ex bf haha, but i just love him too much to let go just yet.

I take a lesson out of the book 'The Secret' im no huge supporter, in fact most of the book is hard to believe, but i take out the lessons, you just have to believe you will get there, visualise your life the way you want it. Don't quiz yourself or beat yourself up over how you will make it there, good things can come your way, you never know who will come knocking at your door and what opportunities that door will open for you. For now i just believe that my life will get better, that things will become clearer, that i'll be the happy positive successful person i see myself to be and if all else fails i had some damn good memories with the people i love along the way to be thankful for.

Today was the start of a new day, and i was still in good vibes from the night before :) i decided not to jinx this good mood and leave the house, because being stuck here 24.7 does in fact trap your mind as well. Thankfully im smart and took my camera, because the day became a day of exploration, it started with just a few snaps of the amazing buildings close by and before i knew it was exploring the entire of singapore and all its beauty. Just gettin out there and discovering new places and new things, opens your mind to new things and you start to discover things about yourself too. It suddenly felt like i was on a holiday, i was enjoying my surroundings and it filled me with good feelings, inspired and reminded from good memories.

When usually my bad negative moods and future uncertainty would have lead me to continue to be negative in this way, clouding my judgements and failing me to see the beauty.
It's so so important to balance the emotional and the physical. Trapped physically in this house in this country was trapping my brain from thinking outside the box too, and i was spending way to much time suffocating in my own thoughts, which just made me slip deeper and deeper into this trap. One effects the other, so if you cant escape mentally escape physically, the other will follow suit.

Overall im so so thankful to those who listen to me, who care for me, who have supported and helped me, as much as i whine and complain about life, because its starting to turn around now. i was always scared the endless depression would just push my loved ones away, i can honestly say if it were the other way around i would have made a run for it, no one likes to be around people like that, thats why im so so thankful for the people i have in my life, your support and love has helped me to turn around, and im still taking baby steps, its not all happiness and sunshine from here, but its finally so good to see some light :) thankyou.
here are some happy snaps from today :

One month in......reality check.

i thought this was hilarious. the menu is basically everything deep fried with chips, hamburgers, and milkshakes, think peters by the sea in scarbs haha.this is the museum...beautiful building.everything around raffles place where i went today just made me feel like i was in an audrey hepburn movie, or in morocco. amazing.oh yeah self timer....im good damn good.this girl was such a sweetie......i felt like a celebrity she wanted a photo with me soo bad, her friends were squealing. ahha
grand prix will be here end of sept!! the sites....including the way more impressive wheel and durian inspired centre haha amazing though.

...my first week

so crazy crazy i have been here for a week now. the days blend together and things happen so quickly and you fall into this routine here thats its hard to work out how long its been, god help me if i was here for a year i wouldnt know how old i was!

so also because of this, its hard to remember what actually happens, i get the days muddled up all the time! not a good idea when taking pills tahlia!!! id so overdose accidently if i were on more harsh medicines! haha so not funny tahlia...bad timing bad timing.

so since i last blogged. its been the weekend! and before that friday, when castings really started picking up, went to 3 castings on friday and although it ticked me off that it was 2 castings and 1 call back( we treked all over singapore to finally return home to rest and as soon as we walked in the door RING RING telephone, you must go back as the client wants to see you again) - not cool. in the end it paid off cause an old friend of mine-ademar- was there. such a beautiful boy and such a warm smile he has, check out the photo when we met last yr. -brazillian of course.

when i saw him it was a great feeling. such a stunner (ladies!!!!) also paid off because i booked this job and will be shooting tomorrow, did i mention it was FHM? i didnt? well yes FHM!!!! woohoo. haha im so happy that within a week not only did i book a job, but its a good editiorial and i can finally plump up my book with quality editorials. also it will be with a saucy boy hahaha, not ademar...i dont think. haha.

so yes the weekend past, i had saturday off after a cancelled casting...and at this moment in time i blank on the details...i recall it being very very boring....no wait....i woke at 12 because i went to bed at 6am! yes yes because i had my first experiences at the lovely attica nightclub friday night (good thing too cause after looking forward to a nice afternoon friday i was MEGA bored it was ridiculous) with my new crew and housemates. such a great bunch. so saturday was wearing this off, i went shopping i think....blanking again.

(attica party times^^)

So sunday...here i go again....im blanking cause the day i think i remember as sunday was in fact saturday! good lord the alziemers is settling in early.

so after waking at midday (you lost yet?) i went to the gym around 3 with valentina, and when we finished up the gang was there to meet us and we went onto a lil trip to sentosa beach. this place is beautiful, mini island of the island that is singapore. everything you can imagine, reminds me of what i think is miami. sand, palm trees, but with bitumen roads paved thru the middle. we walked around and enjoyed the serenry i ate a WIKID waffle dog...god this shit is good. literally a sausage with a waffle around it...yummo. then we played volleyball for a good 2 hrs or so before heading home. was really really nice. took some happy snaps as well. on the way home we were all so cheerful and we grabbed cheap as chips $1 icecreams, which were like a slab (think giant sandwich) inside either wafer sticks or bread.....yes bread. it was more like candy bread, same consistency and milky taste as bread but something cnady flavoured to it as well? so i had this with raspberry swirl icecream....it was to DIE for....and you know me with my sweet tooth...yummo. ill take a pic next time. anyway, to keep it short went home hit the hay. sunday i did some errands, went to a casting, then before i let myself get terribly bored i headed out for a walk.... suprise myself, had the idea in mind i would grab a starbucks n chill and read a mag quietly somewhere before i was walking an hour!!! crazy, and more crazy in the end i hit up gloria jeans (yeah tahlia way to hit up the foreign experience) and had a great iced mocha with a huge slab of newyork cheesecake...mm i had forgotten til now,....now i want some.

so im probably boring you. had a good day today after realising it had been a week, had 4 castings to go to, so things keeping me busy and glad that jobs are starting to role in and im gettin into a working routine.

just keeping you posted...will try and not be so boring next time. love you lots.

everyone say SENTOSA!!!

xoxo tahlia

wednesday FAQ time.

heyo

so its my second day, already feels like a lifetime. i've had a good chat with everyone here, and all the people i live with are great! There are 4 brazillians, a bulgarian and myself, and the house is a great layout for us all to mingle n hang or just chill seperately. today its been raining, so its not as humid but the drizzle is annoying....especially when you have to travel miles to castings in short clothes haha.

but as promised ill be answering FAQS for you all so you never have to ask me a question again!! my life is really not so hard to understand....


So heres how it works. You are employed by an AGENCY, but unlike other companies, its a balance between you working for them and them working for you. At a normal day job, you get employed you go to work, they pay you your money-you work for THEM. At an agency, you get employed you go to work, you get paid, but ALSO it works for you cause you get pictures and experience which (for you game nerds out there) "levels you up" so you can get more work and more jobs-opening up more opportunities. You start at the bottom to work your way up in theory....i bet your already confused.


So there are 2 ways you can get jobs, you can get 'direct bookings' which means a client who is looking for a model just books you straight off, from seeing your cards or a show reel on your agencies website. but what is more common is gettting booked after going to a casting...or for you 'next top model' fans a 'go-see'.
a casting is like an audition, and interview, so the client can see you in person to see what you look like naturally as well as looking at your folio to see what kind of looks you have and your ability to pose. they will usually take measurements, some snapshots and ask you to walk if it for a catwalk show.
If they like you after this they will call the agency and book you for their job.

Simple right???
so then i still get asked how it works in other countries.....EXACTLY the same. the only thing different is the location and probably a language, and maybe the ethnicity of the models.
You go to another city, you live in a model apartment, each day they send you a schedule for which castings or jobs you have for that day, then its esactly the same. you go to each casting, if they like you you will get booked for the job!

So i get asked still:
do they have jobs for you when you get there?
..you never know, but probably not unless you've been directly booked. otherwise you get sent to castings, get booked and go to jobs.

What if you get no work?
impossible, well near impossible, you cant be that ugly or unfit not to get booked, if the agency is going to spend +$1000 bringing you over from your chosen country they are not going to make the mistake of bringing a model who cant work. they judge the same way as other clients, a show reel, folio photos and a walk.
PLUS if you dont make money-they dont make money. they take commission and rent and bills out of your pay, so if your not making them money they are going bankrupt paying for you to be there....they must get you jobs for their own reasons!
If you are sooo unlucky you dont get any work, then they will probably get you as close to paying them off as they can so they dont lose money then they send you home. so you'll go home with a loss but they still make their money back...cause you do owe them.

and no...i dont get 'excited' as such so go places, i look forward to it, but the initial stress and planning of packing my life for 3 months in a suitcase and booking tickets and gettin g through customs is so overwhelming, that you just look forward to finally gettin into a bed at the other end and pray for decent housemates and a decent room and bathroom. the settling in and excitement comes later, when you look forward to meeting new people and discovering a whole new culture....its not a holiday, its still work. i dont live in a nice hotel, i dont get to eat what i want, i travel the city of foot or train not by a nice taxi or hotel service, i have to do my hair and makeup everday, work, exercise, food shop, etc. its all work. sure you look forward to work/uni but at the end of the day you come home and chill yes? this is my life exactly just in a different location. a holiday is when you get a break, you go to a new country to experience things, to chill, eat good food, see the sights, have fun with family and friends, one permanent day off....this is not exactly my life. Of course the perk of being in another country is that on your day off if you get one you can experience the life there and you learn to live in another culture to really experience LIFE in another country. you become asian almost. you pick up that way of life.

ok so im fresh out of remember all the quesitons i get asked...if you have anything to add just ask.

just realised that could have sounded negative, but im just really tired right now! life is great really, its the easiest and most fun job in the world, the best and cheapest way to travel and experience the world and meet new people, you break even or make a profit to support yourself, cause its not about being rich, its about enjoying yourself and hopefully making your way up the ladder so one day you are good enough with enough experience to go to somewhere BIG like milan or new york or paris. im really very lucky. most people save up money to go on holidays and in actual fact you dont come home any richer, just more refreshed and happy. in my life i get both...i make a living, i make a profit and i get to live a working holiday.
nuff said.

xoxo tahlia

Day Uno....

so its 1.02am -yes its the same time here as at home perthites- and im glad to say that im finally happy. so much time spent stressing and planning and doubting, im glad im finally here, although i still cant quite believe it.

Flying into singapore it was how id imagined, its was muddy and there where lots of lakes driving thorough lush green land, old industrial boats dotted around the rivers. just like the movies. coming into singapore though was amazing, like concrete highways were paved through the jungle. amazing....and hundreds of tall identical apartments going back for miles, a harmony of lush jungle singapore with inner city living. the sides of the freeway were lined with palmtrees or overhanging trees, and as i got further to my home this didnt disappear. my street is amazing...will post some photos tomorrow, the architecture gives it such a nice feel, you can walk down the streets cause they are more like friendly alleyways, that all pour out onto the main city district orchard rd, where its all high buzz. and the main orchard shopping building just slams you in the face...some 10something storey building flashing crazy with lights from top to bottom. amazing!!!

my house is nice too....first greeted by eduwardo in the elevator, i came quickly to realise im living with all brazillians -YAY! and they are all so so very nice and accomodating. the location is great, the house is quite decent, enough room for all my things and space and i share a room with only one other girl who is a real darl. thelma. ( "tal-mar") so its a comfy amount of people, and we have a nice little balcony. settled in feels great, this is the beginning of my life for once!! independance, work yay! its all coming together finally. my new life with new friends supported by the amazing friends i left behind who showed me their love and support at my sunday farewell breakfast :)
talk soon kids

tomorrows update will be a FAQ page. not that i dont mind you asking me questions and not that i dont love you.....but i answer the same questions a million times and maybe if i explain it once and for all everyone will understand and comprehend what i do and my lifestyle and stop asking! haha.

xoxo tahlia

In Transit...

So flight was OK, bearable. turbulence sent my stomach spinning and i felt ill as we descended...thinking about it now ACTUALLY makes me dizzy, no offence to the pilot but I've had better. KL airport is familiar at the same time ALOT has changed, the airport is under renovation and is bigger and the layout is drastically different. But its good, its where my first adventure started just over a year ago (makes the familiar aspect nice) but also where it -my fairytale romance- ended which is good then to welcome the change. Just sitting waiting for check in time another 1.5 hrs away with a 3hr wait after that (could have booked that earlier flight anyway -better to be safe then sorry my arse!!!) remembering how HUMID it is here at only 28 degrees! YIKES, big change after my 2 degree freezing wakeup call this morning in perth. Funny to think my local friends are so close but so far at the same time. Closest i've been to them in ages but it'll be another few months til i SEE them when i stay for a holiday on my return to aus!!!! -v. excited. Also Rose is here, probably settled in and getting familiar -she only got herself here 2 days ago! Adventure is just beginning for her....and so the memory circle goes, bittersweet.

xoxo tahlia