Everlong.....

i miss driving around in your white car on really chilly mornings to go for drives for hangover snacks, to watch rugby games, to get waffles in ML, all whilst listening to our fave song ever, everlong. which is now a perfect reflection of our time together. You stood up for me, and protected me when i lost my best friend, turned out you were my best friend all along. i miss falling asleep on your shoulder, your smile and laugh at our sick jokes, your warm hugs without it being a misconception of love. Until it finally did.

i miss the genuine interest i felt from you everytime you looked at me. it was like nothing else existed and i was the most single, interesting thing in the world. i'll never forget how every single time you saw me it was like the first time ever in your life, and i was the like the ray of sunshine in your day, and you'd pick me up and spin me round and peck me hello on the cheek. im sure you would still do it now if we still saw each other. But it makes me smile to remember when i see you from a distance and i wouldnt want to spoil that.

i miss being able to be so deep with you, like you were my human diary and our deep trust in each other made it so easy to open up to you, and be happier within myself rather than drowning in problems. I found myself falling in love with you, and you admitted you did too, but only after you told me you were gay.

I miss everything about you, you were the greatest man in my life to date. We clicked instantenously. Everything you said struck a chord deep inside me and made me smile. you were extremely funny, and cool, and caring and kind! everything about you makes me smile still. I miss sharing our love of converse, music, tv shows, games, friends, fantasies, awesome comic book heroes. I miss doing everything together, all the time without it ever being too much time together. there was never such a thing as too much time together. I miss your teddy bear hugs and loving smile. But i do not miss the woman who was the greatest woman in your life....your mother.

To a Friend...

Talked to you last night, well this morning at 3am. Good to hear from you and although your positive about it, i know your suffering, in denial, but you need to choose whats right. To come to the realisation that the life you are following is not the right fit for you. Its a sad truth and fuck its hard but you shouldnt be scared to let it all go, although its all you have come to know as 'your life' and you'd be lost without it, your not on the right path. It's the most courageous thing you'll ever do, leaving it all behind, sacrificing it all for the unknown, but you'll quickly see that although you couldn't see what was on the otherside, you'll be so glad you chose to close your eyes and take a leap of faith. Because your better off without it all. I just hope you realise it soon, i know how tough it is and how much it hurts. i lived it only months ago and life isnt peachy but its getting there. Life is happier now. i hope you get there soon.

much love

xoxox